Sunday, November 25, 2007

Game's over, let the hangover begin....

I was on vacation the last time that I posted? It feels like I haven't been on vacation for about 3 years.

Harry Gooden from the Southside of Birmingham wrote the following Instant SoundOff after yesterday's Alabama - Auburn game.

If the Louisiana Monroe game was Alabama's 9/11, then the Iron Bowl is Alabama's War on Terror. Alabama got hit from all sides, was completely demoralized, and at the end of the day was no closer to victory than they were 5 years ago.

The News refused to print Mr. Gooden's comments. My standards are obviously a little lower.

I went to the game in Auburn yesterday. It used to be fun to go to the Iron Bowl when there was some question as to the game's outcome. That hasn't been the case in a long time. As I was reminded several times by the ass hats sitting around me..."4 million dollars will buy you a lot, but it won't buy you a win against the Tigers!!!" Well, war eagle to that I war eagle guess.

I may have been to my last Alabama - Auburn game. I don't do well losing, even though I've had a lot of practice and even though I knew that we were going to lose. I text and say things that I really shouldn't say. They aren't nice words, even if they are true. Sorry JRod. I really hope you had fun showing everybody the toilet paper being thrown in to that dead oak tree and sipping on $14 gameday lemonade at Toomers Drug.

My apologies also go out to all those sitting around me that had to listen to my string of obscenities when, in the fourth quarter, an Alabama defender hit Brandon Cox late giving Auburn a first down and, I assume, continued the drive for their touchdown. I say assume because I left the stadium before the two flags that the referee threw on the play actually hit the ground, leaving in my wake quite a few "damns", "dumbasses", "retards" (I know), and "sons of bitc#es don't give two $hit$ whether we win or lose". Nice. I'm someone's dad. Yes, I usually have an emotional hangover for about 3 weeks after every Alabama game that I attend. I had just gotten over mocking the LSU fan that did jazz hands every time an on-the-field call was overturned on replay during the Alabama - LSU game.

In my defense, being called "TIGER MEAT TIGER MEAT TIGER MEAT" all the way up the ramp did not put me in the best of moods. Why were there so many New York Jets fans in Auburn? was a good thing that CousinJim didn't go to the game. He wouldn't have made it to his seat.

It was also about 8 degrees in the 8th Circle of Hell that is the west upper deck at JERRRRRRDAN-HARES. And, Sodexho ran out of hot chocolate and coffee by the middle of the 1st quarter. That happens in Tuscaloosa, too, except it's the opposite. On a 95 degree September Saturday, there will be no ice in Bryant-Denny Stadium.

Any way, I left the stadium and started walking. All that I remembered was the we parked somewhere near Momma Goldberg's, just over the railroad tracks. On Wire Road (I swear) I stopped cussing long enough to ask a nice Auburn fan the way to Momma G's. He pointed me in the right direction, and told me that I should try the love. I pray that he was talking about a sandwich. I made it back to the car alone - that is, sans the love...oh, my apologies to the t-shirt lady that offered me a gameday t-shirt for $5. I don't really want six of them, and it's physically impossible to do with those t-shirts what I suggested that you do with them. What seemed like an hour later, JRod and Miss NatLee made it back to the car and we left Auburn for what may be my last time ever. I'm sure they won't miss me any more than I'll miss them.

Did y'all know that Bear's dead? He is. He's playing poker in hell with Satan. And cheating.

Oh, what else...I had a lot to say, but it all seems stupid now. Yeah, I know, if I didn't post stupid I wouldn't post anything. I've got a pot roast in the slow cooker. Honestly.


Katie said...

Sorry you had to be there for that, Jam. It was a heartbreaking loss to be sure. However, I had prepared myself emotionally and mentally for the loss and picked the Tigers in the Office Football Pool. If Bama won yesterday, I'd be glad because we beat Auburn, ending Tubby's little streak. We lose, I still get money in the pool. AS it turns out, I came in second in the pool (would have tied for first had I not broke my very own cardinal rule "Never bet against the Ole' Ball Coach") and am happy I won the money.

Auburn sucks. The last time I was there was in 1995 with your wife. We got stuck in the twilight zone after watching the game at the Lambda Chi house with their national advisor. It is a humdinger of a story if you haven't heard it. The highlight was me kissing my future husband for the first time. Other than that, it sucked.

Jarrod said...

That wasn't Wire Rd.

klhcain said...

As hubby likes to say "stay with your own kind". He wouldn't even watch on TV much less go to someone else's stadium!
Saying bad things is okay at a time like that.

Marsha said...

I just read this and I was laughing outloud and I am an Auburn fan! By the way you would have had more fun at our tailgate which was across the street from Momma G's off Magnolia!