Friday, April 20, 2007

The Conch Shack (rejected) Top Ten

By popular demand, my losing submissions to the Late Show with David Letterman Top Ten Contest for the week of April 16. This week, there's a good reason none of my entries will be selected. They all suck.

Top Ten Little-Known Facts About American Idol's Sanjaya

10. Prefers to go by his middle name, “Kenny”.
9. Thought he was auditioning for “American Chopper”.
8. Plans to continue his fight to gain worldwide acceptance of the faux-hawk.
7. Has ugly fights with his sister when she uses his Panteen Shimmer #5.
6. Didn’t really like "Shrek the Third".
5. Would stay up for hours voting for himself.
4. Owns two turntables and a microphone.
3. Possesses the gift of understanding everything that Paula Abdul says.
2. He loves Ding-Dongs. (But who doesn't?)
1. He’s not a strong singer.

Do people on the west coast just watch taped episodes, or do they do the show over again later for those markets?

Good weekend.

Thursday, April 19, 2007


Dare - from a purely scrambling around, wondering what's going to happen next perspective, it's like JCAHO showed up and brought the Medicaid auditors with them this week! Actually, it might be worse than that.

The first part of Monday's frenzy:
The Virginia Tech Shootings

Followed by:
Student Struck by Police Car

Then on Tuesday:
Student Dies at Campus Aquatic Center

It's enough to make me numb to Katie knocking me down to like 11-teenth on her links list. It's not been a good week.

I was going to tell you guys something, and now I've forgotten...maybe it was that I'll never get my new jeans if my neighbor keeps making cherry pie and homemade ice cream...maybe it was that Jack getting molars is not the most peaceful thing I've ever experienced...maybe it was that American Idol this year, yeah it's not so good...who knows. My mind is every where and no where at the same time.

Saturday is the Statue to Statue 15k. I've wanted to run this race for a few years, but for one reason or another, I've never done it. Brandon is slightly injured and will be running at about 50%. Maybe I won't be too far behind him for once.

BBL. Out.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Odds and Ends

Do y’all remember that show, Who Wants to Marry My Father?? (?) It came on several years ago on NBC. Heidi, one of the daughters on WWtMMF, parlayed her exposure on that show in to a role on Passions, and she’s still on Passions today. How about that? That’s like, Elisabeth Filarski kind of stuff.

Can y’all think of any one else that has done that…been on a reality show and gone on to success on a “real” show?

I guess it depends on your definition of ‘success’ and ‘real’, but let’s not include any Real World – Road Rules kids (well, they were kids 18 years ago when they started) that just KEEP ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON with the MTV challenge shows. I’m talking to you Eric from RW season 1 and THE GRIND, annoying a$$ Beth from Hawaii – or maybe it’s Amaya from Hawaii and Beth from San Diego or Seattle…who ever and where ever she was, she remains annoying and whiney today and I wish bad things to any cameraman that aims his camera at her.

That’s all the people that I can think of right now…we thought Colleen from Survivor had a shot at something, but all she got was a Chap Stic commercial and a role as Rod Schneider’s love interest in “The Animal”, and that’s not really much of a prize.

I know Coby is doing something, but I don’t know what it is. And “Hey Budddddeeee” Stephen is on One Tree Hill or Men in Trees or something about trees. Big Gay Naked Guy is in prison for not paying taxes on his winnings, which I think is funny but I also wonder why the producers weren’t required to withhold taxes from his prize winnings…like they do if you win the lottery or more that $1,000 at any casino. I wish I knew an accountant.

I submit entries weekly to the Late Show Top Ten Contest. This week’s category was “Top Ten Signs Your Accountant is Nuts”. One of my responses was, “His name is Parker T. Nuts.” I know that it was simple and the writers of the show probably saw that one coming from 900 miles away, but I laughed about that one all day yesterday. To be honest, I’m chuckling a little now. Maybe it’s because his middle initial is “T”. It’s good to be self-entertaining.

A former More or Less contributor and one of the smartest people that I know now has a “regular” blog. Check it out.

Lastly, but most importantly, happy birthday wishes go out to Hayden!!! HH will be celebrating her 4th (fourth?) birthday this weekend. That just doesn’t seem right. Kids must age faster than the rest of us.

Enjoy your weekend.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Limping in to the Weekend.

Five Mondays this week. That's got to be some type of record.

I meant to tell you guys, I stepped on the treadmill at 4:54 Wednesday morning and powered up my radio. On 103.7 the Q I heard this:

Billy Jean is not my lover
She just a girl
Who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son

Of course I listened. Even turned up the volume a little. I think you need to know these things.

Just when I started to give some credence to Global Warming, there’s a hard freeze warning in effect for the next two nights. I’m wearing out my heat pump switching it from ‘Heat’ at night to ‘Cool’ during the day. Remember that one of the biggest snow storms to hit our area in the past 30 years occurred on or about April 6, 1982. Eight inches of snow that lasted for about four days.

LC HAS A SEX TAPE COMING OUT??? That’s the story I heard from Perez Hilton via The Sports Guy’s running diary of Dice-K’s debut (the 11:48 entry for those playing along at home). I’m a little shocked. I must say, if I were going to rank the girls from Laguna Beach/The Hills that WOULD NOT have appeared in a sex tape, LC would have been right below Taylor. I’d have bet that Kristin would show up nude somewhere – and she still might, but I thought LC was a little more solid.

Of course, she did pine after Stephen for years and years. And she could only talk to Jason between his trips to the snorter, which didn't seem to bother her at all. Some one that needy would definitely allow sexcapades to be caught on film if that’s what made her man happy. I would love to be a fly on Lisa Love’s wall when she talks to Lauren about this (just go along with it):

LL: And Lauren. Your boyfriend

LC: Ex-boyfriend.

LL: Ex-boyfriend. Current convict. Jason is his name, right?

LC: Um hmm.

LL: You didn’t go to Paris so that you could rent a house with him and make smut films.

LC: They’re not smut films.

LL: Okay, and Penthouse is an art magazine. Regardless, that’s not the image we’re trying to foster here at Teen Vogue, at least not openly. I don’t think this is going to work out. Good luck to you.

LC: Rolls her eyes, gets up and leaves.

LL: Sits smugly behind her desk with her look of feigned interest.

Lauren should have watched this PSA from The Office.

People always told me
Be careful who you love
Don’t go around breaking young girls’ hearts
(Don’t break no hearts)

Good luck getting that out of your head.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

My Name is Jammy

Sweet Karma

Being nice usually doesn’t pay off for me. If I hold the elevator for a mother and her three kids, they are usually just going up one floor. In our building with its slow elevators, every stop adds about a minute to the ascent. Now, I understand taking the elevator up one floor if you’ve got your hands full of hellyuns, but when one of the little tikes presses every floor on his way off of the elevator, I suddenly start wishing that I had acted like I didn’t even see you rushing for the closing doors.

But today…ahh today, karma is on my side. Well, this is the fourth Monday of this week, so I don’t know if karma is really on my side, but at least she gave me a momentary break.

I was going in to the copy room to make a copy of a two-page document when one of the other department employees cut me off. Being nice, I let her beat me to the copier so that she could copy a 36-page recipe or some other such nonsense. (I’m sure it was work related, but whatever.) After the first page went through the machine, the out of paper alarm buzzed. I stood by patiently and laughed a little inside. After she found some paper to load in to the machine, she started her project again. Two pages later the machine went silent and beeped three times…paper jam. This brought a smile to my face and I’m sure a look that she despised, but whatever. As she flipped levers and turned knobs and pulled out duplex trays, I walked to the fax machine and copied my document. The quality isn’t as good, but as I type this I can her saying “I don’t see any paper at E”.

Then I came back to my office and have 4 new voice mails….I was only gone 2 minutes!

Does My Name is Earl still come on?

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

In the news

'Negligent Dancing'

Now that's funny. I've been guilty of this myself. I am thankful that no one was physically hurt and that the statute of limitations has run on any mental anguish claims arising from my performance.