Monday, July 23, 2007

The No Fun Zone

Hi. It's been so long since we talked, I felt like I needed a little ice breaker instead of just jumping right in. That's all I've got. Oh yeah, back in the day, I was a hit at The Houndstooth.

I'm not sure how Harry Potter ends, but it must have been devastating to the peeps (I wanted to call them virgins, but I thought that unfair to virgins) in our IS department. Those fun Nazis have blocked access to all sites from our work computers. NO FUN FOR YOU! I can't read any of your stuff, and I can't post any thing from work. What a bunch of kill-joys. Now I can only access my site and all of your sites from home. Like I've got time to do this from the house! Tonight is the exception, though, because Leah had a function of some sort to which guys and kids weren't invited.

I used to work through lunch, but if they're going to be that way about it, I'm going to do like everyone else. That is, leave 5 minutes before lunch officially begins, stay gone for an hour and fifteen minutes, then show up with a sack full of Krystals and sit at my desk and eat for another thirty minutes whilst ignoring all responsibility or sense of duty.

No, I won't do that. I'm too nice.

A wise man once told me, "A job's not worth having if you can't take advantage of it every now and then." No word if he said that before he was fired or after.

Anyhoo. What else?



The best line that I read about them was that he was famous because or her, and she was famous for being somewhat famous.

He's a SOCCER PLAYER (injured) AND SHE, NOTHING MORE THAN A SOCCER PLAYER'S WIFE! Oh, she's friends with Katie Holmes! I hope she's had her crazy shot. Over that.

A couple of weeks ago, before it rained, I was watering our drought stressed Japanese Maple with the garden hose when I took a sip of water out of the garden hose. Well, Jack saw me do it and he HAD to have a drink. The kid LUVS water, and to drink it out of a garden hose was too much for him to resist. So, they're we were...the tree got a sip, Da got a sip, Jack got a sip, and Jack's shirt got a sip. It made for some really cute pictures and we all had a great time. All of us, that is, except Grandma Lolly. Grnadma Lolly was repulsed by this activity.

Two days later, like manna from heaven, Fox News, the Rush Limbaugh Radio Empire or the Sally Struthers Network miraculously ran a story about the dangers of allowing children to drink from garden hoses because of all the bacteria that builds up in the hose. So much for that fun.

But I'm telling you, the kid loves water. During his bath, he has taken to filling up his plastic Elmo cup and DRINKING HIS BATH WATER. Inside, I feel like this is a little more dangerous than drinking from a garden hose, but those that know me know that I'm a "choose my battles" type of guy (actually I'm not, because is it really worth all that?), and my battle is with the garden hose. We're not going to tell Lolly that he drinks his bath water. We'll let that be a surprise the next time she babysits. Should be fun. Pee, poot, drink, repeat.

Did you guys watch Greek last Saturday night? I saw half of it before I fell asleep. Yes, I'm aware that I fell asleep at 8:30.

Kathy Griffin is a funny funny lady.

That's really all that I've seen.

Lastly, to the interest of no one reading this, I ran a grand total of 17 miles last week. Four 3-mile runs and a 5 miler on Saturday. My goal this week, two 3s, two 4s, and a 6. If I did my math right, that's 20 miles even. Get y'all some of that.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Oh OHHH Dreammmmm Weaver...

Tell me what this dream means. I've had it a couple of times now.

It's Christmas Eve. We've been every where and seen every one that we're supposed to see on Christmas Eve. After putting Jack to bed, Leah and I collapse on the sofa and try to relax for a moment. We try our best to recover from all of the forced family fun and rest up for more FFF to come the next morning, day and night. As we exhale, in the silent calm of that moment, it hits me that I haven't bought Leah one single Christmas present. I'm horrified and frightened and embarrassed and feel like a total arse.

And then I wake up.

I never get to see how it turns out. My guess is that I stayed up all night making a card on the computer that reads "Sorry you don't have a present to open" on the outside, and then the inside says something like, "But I couldn't find a box big enough for New York City! Pack your bags. We're spending New Years Eve in Times Square!"

I would then have to book airline tickets and a hotel room.

What does it mean, and how does the story end?

I'm going to get her a t-shirt and a loofa sponge at Target on the way home, just to be prepared.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

We went to a movie!

Wow, what a weekend. It's taken me two days to organize (loosely organize) what all happened.

Deep we go:

Friday night Leah and I went on a date. Alone. No Jack. No Brandon and Karly. No Prom King and Katie. No JRod and Ellie Walker, the lady druggist. Just us. It almost didn't happen, because little Jack-Jack had a come apart when we left. I don't think that it was so much that we were leaving, but that we were leaving in the CAR. He luvs the car right now. He loves to sit in the driver's seat and turn all the knobs and stuff. He's silly. Anyway, back to the date. What were we supposed to talk about? I hope nothing, because that's about all we discussed. We went to the Summit Tavern (the one up top, not by Fleming's). Did y'all know that the Tavern doesn't serve Coors Light? I think that I knew, too, at one time, but I forgot. It was nice to have a meal that didn't end in me having to pick chicken up from the floor or leave a 40% tip. I got the prime rib sandwich (of course) and Leah got French onion soup and a salad. She wanted to save room for the movie theater popcorn.

After dinner, we went to see Ocean's 11, Part three. I enjoyed it okay, but I actually liked part two better. Of course, Ocean's 11 was still the best. One funny thing did happen during the movie. No surprise here, but the movie is set in Las Vegas, right? There are a couple of scenes from McCarren Airport, and that means that there were more than a couple Southwest planes seen in the movie. Well, every time one of those peanut serving planes was shown, the girl next to me would get all gitty, clap her hands, and squeal "wwhhhhHHHHHEEEEEE southwest". Just like that. Low at first with a fevered midpoint that tapered off to a low, fast "southwest". She did it all within acceptable volumes for a movie theater, but it was still a strange, Pavlovian type of response to a blue and orange plane. I looked at her a couple of times before I realized that she was a Southwest flight attendant.

So we get home Friday night relatively early. The news had just come on, I think. We went to bed because the real party starts every day about 6:00 AM, even on Saturdays. Actually, Jack slept in a little and didn't get up until about 6:45 Saturday morning. Must have been the rain.

We went to the Galleria early Saturday morning...we were there before 10AM. It was kind of weird to be walking around before the stores were open. I felt like one of those old guys that used to walk around Eastwood Mall because it was temperature controlled. I'm running out of time and interest, so here are the rest of the highlights:

Jack likes to ride the carousel 2.5 times.
There are at least two Dippin Dots vending machines in the Galleria Food Court. Yea Banana Split Dippin Dots.
Yea for game day apparel! Jen can help you guys out with that.
The old High Country store (lower level under Parisian Kids entrance) has Pearl Izuma trail running shorts, Brandon.
Why is K&B Toys so crowded with stuff? Shouldn't a store with a bunch of kids running around be a little bit less cluttered?
Yea three hour Jacknap after a morning of running around.

I don't think Prom King likes Davenport's Pizza.
I got the high score on Ms. Pac Man, and the third highest score on Donkey Kong.

Both of Jack's Sunday School teachers were out last Sunday. He didn't like the replacements at all. "Did he cry the whole time", we asked. "Off and on" was the watered down answer.

We had a lazy Sunday afternoon.

What a waste of your time. I'm sorry about that.

Monday, July 02, 2007


wasn't selected this week either. The topic, Top Ten Rejected Titles for the New Bruce Willis Movie (I guess we're using the term "new" very loosely). My entry, "Die Already!", didn't make the cut.

They selected instead, "Die of Old Age Already", submitted by Greg M. of Milford, PA.

Shout out to Birmingham's Curt P.!! His entry, "Die Hard of Hearing", was #7 on the list.

The only other good one, "Dude, Where's My Wife?", submitted by Shelley R. of Port Orchard, WA.

Did y'all watch the big Diana Tribute concert last night? Me either.

We left Jack in the nursery at church yesterday. His fits of church nursery crying are not only heart-breaking, but somewhat legendary. He used to start crying when we turned the car in to the church parking lot. Not kidding. He'd cry, and cry, and cry, and pass out, and cry in his sleep, and wake up crying in the car on the way home after church. We've progressively gotten better such that the crying now begins when we walk down the nursery hall and ends when we turn on The Wiggles CD (he no longer passes out from crying).

Yesterday, when we got to the nursery 1/2 door, his little bottom lip began to quiver and tears formed in his eyes -- oh it's too much to even recount -- but, when we went back after 'preachin' (we haven't gotten to a SS class yet), he was standing up next to Mrs. Holly pounding on some toy that probably wasn't a pounding toy having a great time. Holly and the other teacher, Felicia - who I know can't wait for promotion Sunday - looked at us and in unison said, "Oh my gosh!"

Now, I'm thinking that he hit someone with a toy. Or threw something at someone. Or, although he's never done this before, bit someone. Why do we always think the worst?

Well, none of those things happened. They continued with, "He was so good!" hhhhoooooof. He played and talked and laughed and did 'more more more' when they ate goldfish crackers. He was excited to see us, but he would've stayed a bit longer.

They also said that he was "brilliant" and that his deductive reasoning skills were incredible. All that means is that he knows that if he's sweet, you'll let him crawl in to your lap, and from that perch he can reach your cell phone that's on the counter. He even told them "bye" and snapped his fingers when we left. He's so Fonzie and he doesn't even know it.

He's a good boy.