Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Mo' Body, Less Seles

Before I start, can someone explain to me what I'm supposed to be getting from the NBC "Welcome Back" commercials? ABC is running some similar promo. Who are those commercials directed at? I'm not the one that took the fall of 2007 off. I didn't go any where, so they must not be welcoming me back. Do people in television have such a high sense of self-importance that they're welcoming themselves back? I don't really get it.

The family was upstairs playing last night, and as is customary, the TV was on. As luck fate would have it, Access Hollywood re-ran the body again body again story of Julianne in a bikini. We were still playing at 7:00 when DWTS came on, so we flipped over to the ABC station so that little Jack could see Julianne in her dancing dress. The things that we do for our kids, right? Well imagine the horror when I look up to see, not Mitt Romney's underutilized secret weapon, but tennis legend Monica Seles. Wow! I know two nice people, maybe more on the periphery - but in the core group there are only two...maybe two and a half, and one of them has already called me this morning to chastise my comments about Ms. Seles. I will not repeat what I said earlier, but suffice to say, time and UV rays have not been very kind to the former champ. I will forever more use sunscreen when outdoors. I hope it's not too late.

We watched The Hills last night. I mean really, how boring and unreal is that show? Don't get me wrong, we'll keep watching, but Whitney did not say "I know it's not your problem, it is our problem" when she was talking on the phone to the store manager. That was dubbed in later. I can't wait until Lauren returns to California and gets called in to Lisa Love's office...."And Lauren, the girl that didn't go to Paris last year but got MTV to pay for her trip this year. You got a complimentary dress from a designer and you burned it with a flat iron. Then you wore the replacement [that just happened to fit perfectly] when you went for a Vespa ride with a cigarette. Did you learn anything?"

And Heidi, I don't really know, but I don't think you are supposed to use self-tan on your lips. Spencer, when he smiles, reminds me of my college roommate. Lance had that same smile, like he should be looking in a mirror to see if he has spinach in his teeth. Creepy really. The difference is that I like Lance, although I haven't talked to him in.....oh, five years at least. He was the Chief Resident at Johns Hopkins the last time that I talked to him. I bet he didn't watch The Hills last night. Or last year. Or the year before. The photographic memory that guy has. Incredible. I don't know if it was photographic, but he could read something once, rememeber it, understand not only the concept presented but also the interrelation of that concept with other concepts AND how to apply one concept such that there were no adverse effects on other systems or properties. In short, you'd want him as your doctor. You wouldn't understand a damn thing that he said to you, but at the end of the day, you'd have the smartest doctor on the planet. Except that his specialty is now Oncology, so...

He was - and I'm sure still is - ultra-competitive. He didn't like losing, which isn't a bad quality - especially if you're his patient - but everything was a contest to him. We actually took one class together in college (there isn't much overlap in the microbiology and business management degree paths), and we both made an 'A'. I used to remind him of that when we talked. It's the only time that he didn't beat me. Of course, then he'd tell me that he graduated with a 4.0 and the only reason that I remember that 'A' was because it was the only one that I ever made. I need to call him.

What was I talking about?

What else have I seen lately? Oh, the best show on TV that you're not watching is "High School Reunion" on TV Land. That's good television. Nothing says "we buried the hatchet and left the handle sticking out" [Garth Brooks] like a 20 year high school reunion. There's a guy that was sleeping with his best friend's estranged wife...all three of whom are on the show. And there's a LEBANESE lady exploring male companionship again, or maybe for the first time, I really don't know, but it's fun to watch.

I'll concur with KBF about Dirt, that seemed like a good show the one time that I saw it. One of my favorite shows is Cold Case - not to be confused with Cold Case Files on Discovery or Court TV or whatever. Unfortunately, basketball games, football games, and golf tournaments always run late on Sundays, which means that Cold Case doesn't come on at its regularly scheduled time, which means that the Divo doesn't record it correctly, which means that I don't see it except for the three weeks a year that there isn't an NCAA basketball game, NFL game, or PGA event.

Finally, lunch time...peace out.


KBF said...

Who is the 1/2?

Totally said the same thing to Brandon about the Whitney line being dubbed in.

Cannot believe Monica Seles is only 34.

Ha - self tan on her lips. Maybe it has magical properties that help her to remember her "lines".

You had a lot to say today!

Jammy said...

And I didn't even begin to discuss Mariah Caray's presence at the premier party. Oh my...hearing her talk made about burning her hair because of Europe's different electrical network was painful. She made The Hills cast look like the Cornell Debate Team. LC actually did the best thing that she could do after Mariah told that story. She smiled at the camera and didn't say a word.