Monday, December 18, 2006

Pride Goes Before the Fall....

And apparently it doesn't come back until Spring.

I'm not sure what that means, but I came up with the title a couple of weeks ago for a piece that I was thinking about. And by piece, I mean story. I just can't remember the story that went along with the title, though. I'm sure it was a good one.

Anyhoo. I will never brag on my son's sleeping habits ever, ever again.

People keep asking me what I want for Christmas. Apparently, I haven't been good enough this year to receive the gift of peace and quiet. (ba-dump, ching)

As many of you know, my birthday is the 28th of December. One thing that's tough about a December birthday is that you have to come up with present ideas for both days at the same time, so your interest is a little skewed. Like, I might want a new swimsuit, but you can't get a swimsuit in December like you could if your birthday was in May, for example. What ever I get for the year is limited to what it is that I think that I want or need during a four day period in December. It's also limited to what stores have in stock.

It's hard for me to come up with gift ideas for myself. I don't really want or need anything. Additionally, I feel a little guilty about taking presents from the very same people that I've been an a$$hole to for most of the past 364 days. I really don't deserve anything and I feel like they're buying me something out of obligation, and I don't want them to be obligated to get me anything. I'm not going to like any one more or less because they got me something or didn't get me any thing. You're not going to earn my respect by purchasing me a gift. You're going to have to get down in the dirt a beg for it. (from Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy)

So I come up with a list of items, but no one buys me any of them because they think that I'm just being as a$$hole and there's no way that I would really want anything on the list. Example:

A bag of Starbucks Coffee from Target. I really would like that, because it's about $1.50 an ounce ($8 for 5 ounce bag), and I can buy a 64 ounce canister of Folgers for $6 at Sam's.

A donation to Jack's College Fund. Short of a Rolex watch or Rogers Hornsby baseball card, this is probably the best gift of all from a financial perspective because it grows over time. By the time Jack reaches Brown, that $50 donation could be worth $200 or more (or less, as past performance is no guarantee of future results). He could get a grande coffee at one of the many fine Providence Starbucks.

Trak Shak gift card (but that's all the way over in Homewood, can't he get something from Academy Sports? We'll just give him money and he can go get his own gift card.)

Money to pay Changing Spaces to come out and move my treadmill. I want to put my treadmill in the garage so that I can run after Jack goes to sleep at night (and before he wakes up for the first of his 3 times - Kathy, HELP! You should charge for Sleep Lady a franchise). Currently, the treadmill is in the den upstairs, and about 15 feet from his sleeping little head. If it was in the garage, I could run at 8 o'clock at night. Anyway, the treadmill weighs about 1,000 pounds, and I'm old and weak to move it, even with a little help from my friends.

Though this will do nothing to dispel the beliefs of the misguided friend of a friend, I've decided that I'm converting over to cuff links. Nothing is more aggravating than wearing a button down shirt and tie, EXCEPT that once you get the shirt on you go to button the sleeves, having the sleeve button crumble in your hands. Why can't the dry cleaners clean and press a shirt without breaking the buttons on the sleeve? The only thing worse is when they break one of the collar buttons and either don't replace it, or replace it with one of the standard size buttons. The standard size buttons don't fit through the small holes in the collar, so the net effect is the same as if they hadn't replaced it at all. You have one collar buttoned and the other one just flopping around. Aggravating.

I moved away from button down collar shirts a couple of years ago because the cleaners kept breaking the collar buttons. Now I'm moving to buttonless sleeves and the use of cuff links. Every time we meet with underwriters from London I find myself a little envious of their cuff links. (That's a 5,000 pt. credit if you're scoring at home, or even if you're by yourself.)

That's all for today. Back to looking like I'm doing work. Have a good'un.


Katie said...

cufflinks, huh? interesting.

may go towards Karen's theory though.

Karly said...

Ummm..It sounds like you have a problem with your dry cleaners. I know Leah is BFF with them and has a 30 minute conversation with them (as I listen on the phone) every time she goes, but that many buttons shouldn't be breaking. I don't know of any buttons that have every broken off any of Brandon's dress shirts.

Cuff links, though, huh. A 3 letter word does come to mind, but it doesn't start with a "g".

Can you stay up past 8:00 to run. Can you pay the people where you bought the treadmill to come and move it instead of having to hire the moving company. You definitely need to do that if it will improve your quality of life and it is probably something you keep thinking about and talking about but never pull the trigger on, yet it is an daily aggravation in your life. Kind of like the hardwood floors at my house.

Jammy said...

I'm trying hard to be nice and not say what I'm thinking right now, Karly.

Jammy said...

Peeps didn't like my Doc Martens back in the day, either.

Katie said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Katie said...


klh said...

It's hard for the gift givers to purchase for someone with a b'day close to Christmas. Ron's is Jan. 7th so when he says anything he wants, I try to get it and save it till then even if it means short sleeve shirts in Jan. Your list is a good one and things people shouldn't mind getting.
Movers for the treadmill is a good idea.
Appreciate the credit but don't know that I am that much help. I am just not Mama or Daddy and not there all the time so the child doesn't know what I would or wouldn't do and therefore doesn't know how far to push. Hope Jack starts sleeping all night again.

Karly said...

Not say what???? Is it in reference to the 3 letter word? B/c it is not bad. What did you think I meant? Also, whose comment did you delete - Katie's?

Karly said...

Hubert is all about some french cuff shirts.

Jammy said...

I didn't delete any comments, nor was I offended by Katie's. I'm not sure what her second response was in reaction to, but I guess it was in response to the deleted post. Of course, since EVERYBODY calls Leah to discuss the posts, Leah could have implied that I was offended by people not liking my cuff links idea. I don't know, and I now have a headache, so whatever.

Karly, I thought the 3 letter word that doesn't start with 'g' is a word that starts with an 'f' and rhymes with 'tag'. I have since learned that the 3 letter word you were referring to rhymes with 'told' and 'fold'.

Can I stay up past 8:00 to run? If I want to run, I'll have to stay up past 8:00.

Karly said...

are you mad?