Wednesday, May 02, 2007

The Injury Bug - The Director's Cut

If this is the first time that you're readying this, the post may not make sense to you because it's disjointed and reads like it was written at two different times. I wrote part of this on the fly earlier this morning and now I'm going to SUPPLEMENT. I don't know why I screamed that in my Jesse Jackson voice, but it made it more fun. Anyway, I'm not sure why I felt the need to explain. I mean, you're reading this, so how picky are you with your choice of literature in the first place?

I really have a lot on my mind that I'd like to write about, unfortunately I have a 10:30 meeting this morning and it's 10:05. I'll hurry for five minutes, then I got to quit.

1. Two weeks to Jamaica!!! I've been trying to find a "Two Weeks to Better Abs" program that includes Twix bars. There is no such plan. Just as well, I'd hate for my six-pack abs to cause so many newlyweds to stumble right out of the gate.

1. Part two: I wonder, if I did 6,000 crunches a day every day for the next two weeks, if you could see a ripple in my abs. Probably not. I read some where that your body fat has to be less than 2% for your ab muscles to show. So much for having my abs on the cover of Men's Health by the time I'm 40. And yes, I am that vain.

I hope that I'm outside unloading the bags when the room assignments are discussed at the front desk. I'll leave the "oh, it is a problem, mon" to Leah and Karly.

We went to Target last night. I bought playing cards, because that was my job.

I'm excited about:

Red Stripes, the cliff jumping, the sunset cruise, the smoothies, the Red Stripes, the sun, the sand, the flag that you raise when you need another Red Stripe, the water, the sounds, the van driver (SHOTGUN!!!), the van driver stopping for Red Stripes, the plants, the locals, the Red Stripes, and the Red Stripes. Odd, I haven't seen 'conch' anything on the menus. No conch fritters, conch chowder, conch salad. Maybe it's implied that they have those things because they're an island in the Caribbean.

I'm not excited about missing Jack. He's such a good boy. I know that I'm going to miss him, but I'm going to fight through it!

2. Brandon and I are, quite literally, limping in to this vacation. He has a strained hamstring, I have a strained ankle (I think). It's been bothering me for about a month, whenever I flex - or extend - my when you put on socks, it hurts along the top and front of my ankle bone. Like most of my injuries, it doesn't hurt when I run. Well, not after the first half mile or so it doesn't hurt. I have a doctor's appointment today (the making of which was another ordeal) wherein I expect to be told to ice, take NSAIDs, and don't run. I just hope that my ankle is better before I go snorkeling.

2. Part Two: On our last trip to Turks & Caicos, Boo Tapas, a/k/a Prom King, tried to snorkel with a sore ankle. It didn't work too well. He tried it with fins, which actually puts more pressure and strain on the ankle, and he tried it without fins. Snorkeling without fins is like walking through a crowded bar. You're kind of at the mercy of the current, and you're always afraid you're going to be pinned up against something - or somebody - that you'd rather not be pinned against.

When I called to make the appointment, the appointment taking person asked, "Is this a physical or a follow-up visit?"

Well, it's neither. I'm a return patient, but this is a new condition, and while I'm overdue for my annual physical that's not why I called. The appointment person said, "I'll have to connect you with the doctor's office. The first appointment that I see is in September." And that, my friends, is why I don't recommend anyone to the facility that I'm forced to use. The medical care is great, unless you have a problem and need to actually receive the medical care.

The appointment lady transferred me to the doctor's office where I pressed 4 to make an appointment, 3 to select my physician, and 2 to enter my last name, only to be told that the line was busy so I should call again later and disconnected.

Call who? The physical or follow-up lady?

After about 30 minutes of internal phone database searching, I found the back office number for my physician, who's on vacation until the day we leave for Jamaica. His back-up is seeing me today, so I'm sure that my health insurance provider will deny the visit because the physician that I'm seeing isn't my PCP. I better call them to make sure it's okay.

It's okay. Deborah said that I could see the back-up.

Time's almost up...

3. Gossip on's flirting. Tom's confident in his relationship with Katie. I'm sure he is, what with that ironclad contract and all. Their "intimate" relationship is about as real as my superhero powers.

3. Part two: Katie's flirting with her co-star. Continuing to kiss his mouth (That's an Ernest T. Bass line for you Andy fans) after the director says cut. She's been seen touching his arm the way girls do "accidentally" when they like a boy. He's been seen throwing stuff at her and putting paper in her hair, so they're definitely TLA, or at least FWBs.

Is there one living, breathing person that believes Suri was made the old fashion way?

One minute over. Gotta run.

Okay, that's really all this time, except to tell Marsha that building a home is an awful, awful, awful, awful experience. It's not disturbing, but it's awful. It's awful and everyone that you let see the house during construction will just make it a more awfuler, awfuler, awfuler experience. One little thing that I will say is that, if there's a debate about whether to spend the money to do something now, if it's something that can't be changed later, go ahead and do it during construction. Paint colors, door handles, light fixtures can all be changed later, but you can't easily put a door where you didn't put one during construction because you didn't want to pay $350 to have one installed. Leah actually did a better job of that than me when our house was "built" two years ago. I wish now that I had put an exterior door in the garage. Spend your money on things that can't be changed, and then spend what's left over on other stuffs. Or Red Stripes.


Karly said...

Meetings over by now so write some more. Sorry about injury, let us know what DR says. Have not received confirmation on my 3rd floor room, so will have to call Jamaica back.

Katie said...

Poor Jam. Maybe a couple more Red Stripes will fix the pain in your leg so you can snorkle and cliff dive with abandon. Think of us, the pale, back here in the 'ham while you are drinking one of many Red Stripes and basking in the Carribean sun.